Vulnerability

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable.” -Madeleine L’Engle

The fleeting feel good cells are leaving my veins. When a task seems too big, when I could not look at myself in the mirror, when I feel like a lost sheep – I muttered these words: this is just a tiny dot in this big universe. Regardless, I couldn’t help but feel vulnerable.

Frustrated that I’m not that brainy or smart enough to solve my own “tiny dots” of obstacles, I’m a bit distraught this week And to be ultra honest, I’m pretty much clueless as of now.

Do you know that nagging feeling of wanting to jump off a plane and be weightless in the sky? As light as a feather?No? Yes?

Instead of of just being a big olde emotional bug, I tried to be more scientific and put my observational skills to the test.

This sort of frustrtion happens when

1. Final Exams are less than two weeks
2. A MAJOR PROJECT still that screams IN PROGRESS but taking toooo long.
3. BROKE!!! arghhh it hurts when sometimes my freedom felt tied up to money.
4. Loneliness (haih, there I said it, I guess I’ve had too much wedding receptions)

Then, let’s have that paradigm shift which Stephen R Covey has been talking about. The frustration should be like a pleasant bell chiming as opposite to the deafening siren. It should be like a sweet reminder of a caring friend. It should be my friend!

So for #1, final exams can make any student go loco. The building up tension makes your BP goes higher because of it you eat more all those yummy salty junk food and oooooh chipster … Hence, I’m using that to my advantage. Making a revision checklist and study. ACTUALLY revising!(oh my, I’m holding a cheeeeese burger at this very moment)

The #2 requires more than just brains, my mouth must make a plea to whoever can help this project to be materialised. Truth is I can’t rely solely on my ideas. Ahh I have to be more accepting too.

#3: As much as people say Fortune,Destiny,Life and Death is in God’s hands,  just believe that! plus working towards it. Fortune can “apparate”  in thin air when you least expected  but it is due to some actions prior to that. And yes, please live within means. I’m gonna make the mean bigger.

#4: Sincerely, spend time with the important people in your life. I realised I’m still grasping and relearning to love them again and again. And girl, if you feel like you are less desired just because you don’t have a boyfriend for an accessory , rethink of being more loveable and at service to family and friends first. I know it’s a lifelong commitment and I wonderwill I ever have enough space for a love life? But hopefully when “Destiny” comes along, he’ll be in the family quota. So that pretty much solve it.

Life wants me to be vulnerable. Not a damsel in distress, but a person who is strong enough to learn than I’m only human and I’m subjected to vulnerability.

let’s do that cheeeeesy blogger tagline thing at the end of every post.hehehe

Love more, Worry less.

Zati

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