A well lit place

Libraries have to be the few of the best places on earth! Surrounded by countless of books and journals which are written with passion gave off a great feeling. Even I though I got to spend just a brief moment in the library today, it lifted my mood by leaps and bounds.

One of the best libraries has to be the Carnegie Library in Pittsburgh. The massive collection made me wonder aimlessly, too many to choose from. I even made a member card which was free! And it was beautiful of course. The fact that I could see the natural science museum next door through windows in between their walls is sooo much fun and seeing the  dinosaur skeletons (HUGE dinos) was the highlight to my visit.

The corridors are like scenes that came out from a harry potter movie. It holds grandeur yet well loved and well used. The best feature was the mezzanine. When you are at one of the floors, you can actually peak through the floors beneath you at the bottom edge of each book shelf. Then you’ll realised, the shelves are actually humongous shelves which happen to have glass floors surrounding them. Isn’t that just tooo awesome!

Even though I only got to visit Pittsburgh library twice, it left a deep impression in me. And libraries everywhere are still the most welcoming place on earth. Go to one today and you know why You’ll feel like a little kid amazed by the wonder of the written world.

To Infinity And Beyond.

I took a break from an early morning (last minute) revision as the Subuh Azan broke the silence. I let the morning breeze seeped into the room as I gazed at the pitch dark sky. Sometimes I wonder, who is looking back at me as I look into the massive sky.

Sky gazing, the very few things I never got bored of and it just fascinates me more and more. I’m one those people who just lie flat on the grass and stare into space. It calms me everytime.

But the love story between the sky and me goes a long way back. The earliest memory of the sky and still etched in my head is my first flight. I was 3 going 4 at the time and my mom,siblings and I went back to Malaysia. I remembered I had my blue hooded coat on, excitedly skipping my whole way and into the plane. I couldn’t remember anyone else next to me, for sure I was ahead of the rest of my family.

I sat next to the window and nervously waited for the take off. It was night time and this part of the memory is obviously exaggerated. I felt the plane went into orbit. I mean I remembered seeing the globe with blue airglow around it! We were very lucky to be invited into the cockpit minutes before landing. It was awesome! To think of it, it’s my first sneak peek of Malaysia.

A couple years later, I don’t remember what made me actually said this to my dad:

“Abah, I want to be an astronaut”

My dad chuckled and told me that astronauts have be strong and go through rigorous training. I felt so crushed. I mean for a 6 year old to say such a decisive statement to her dear dad, it took guts! So, I forgot about it for a while, my fascination about the mysterious sky.

Then later in lower secondary, I love anything to do with space and stars, I even settled with being just an astronomer. Until I went to boarding school. I forgot all about it – again.With dad passed on, in my head at that moment I need to be an engineer. Looking back, I felt being what my dad was, will bring me back a sense of security. Will make home, a home again. Being just like Dad will bring back Abah again.

So, I totally forgot everything else, I just take the route to be an engineer.

Now, zooming back to the present. I never regretted the engineering path I chosen. The reason always evolves from time to time. And being in Mechatronics has to be one of the best choice I ever made. Then over the last weekend, I was all curled up in the couch, watched anything that was on TV. The last mission: Atlantis and 16 days on Columbia was on.

I felt a sudden pull towards those stories. I was so amazed by the amount of technical wonder that a team effort can create. Every piece of Atlantis was made out of love, dedication and intelligence. And I sort of got overwhelmed when Atlantis took off for the last time. I really understood the feeling seeing your creation just zooms off. Like how one expert in that segment put it:

“It is like seeing off your kid going to college and leaving home for the last time”

But, the 16 days on Columbia hit the home run. The one hour made me rethink about passion and interest and my childhood dreams. Looking at the astronauts at action was inspiring. KC is my favorite. She came off as the quite one. She wasn’t trained in the army like the rest of the crew. The highest qualification that they mentioned was a PhD. I believe she’s the brain. She’s the Spock in that ship.

I’ve been wondering day and night about my childhood dream and I want it to be real and authentic. Now, the dots are starting to connect. I was glued to the TV the whole time when the 1st Angkasawan flight to space. Physics was my favorite because of space. Then I lost it because we always had to do “earthly” examples on static and dynamics (excuses). The first three Star Wars movies are my all time favorite too. Ummm star trek, I grew with it, used to like it..but the drama was an overkill for me. Hubble is one of my favorite invention of all time. Planetarium and airports are my favorite places on earth.

As for flying, it is when I feel most calm, excited and at home.

edited: I wrote my 325th post today.Now, it’s beyond!

Vulnerability

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable.” -Madeleine L’Engle

The fleeting feel good cells are leaving my veins. When a task seems too big, when I could not look at myself in the mirror, when I feel like a lost sheep – I muttered these words: this is just a tiny dot in this big universe. Regardless, I couldn’t help but feel vulnerable.

Frustrated that I’m not that brainy or smart enough to solve my own “tiny dots” of obstacles, I’m a bit distraught this week And to be ultra honest, I’m pretty much clueless as of now.

Do you know that nagging feeling of wanting to jump off a plane and be weightless in the sky? As light as a feather?No? Yes?

Instead of of just being a big olde emotional bug, I tried to be more scientific and put my observational skills to the test.

This sort of frustrtion happens when

1. Final Exams are less than two weeks
2. A MAJOR PROJECT still that screams IN PROGRESS but taking toooo long.
3. BROKE!!! arghhh it hurts when sometimes my freedom felt tied up to money.
4. Loneliness (haih, there I said it, I guess I’ve had too much wedding receptions)

Then, let’s have that paradigm shift which Stephen R Covey has been talking about. The frustration should be like a pleasant bell chiming as opposite to the deafening siren. It should be like a sweet reminder of a caring friend. It should be my friend!

So for #1, final exams can make any student go loco. The building up tension makes your BP goes higher because of it you eat more all those yummy salty junk food and oooooh chipster … Hence, I’m using that to my advantage. Making a revision checklist and study. ACTUALLY revising!(oh my, I’m holding a cheeeeese burger at this very moment)

The #2 requires more than just brains, my mouth must make a plea to whoever can help this project to be materialised. Truth is I can’t rely solely on my ideas. Ahh I have to be more accepting too.

#3: As much as people say Fortune,Destiny,Life and Death is in God’s hands,  just believe that! plus working towards it. Fortune can “apparate”  in thin air when you least expected  but it is due to some actions prior to that. And yes, please live within means. I’m gonna make the mean bigger.

#4: Sincerely, spend time with the important people in your life. I realised I’m still grasping and relearning to love them again and again. And girl, if you feel like you are less desired just because you don’t have a boyfriend for an accessory , rethink of being more loveable and at service to family and friends first. I know it’s a lifelong commitment and I wonderwill I ever have enough space for a love life? But hopefully when “Destiny” comes along, he’ll be in the family quota. So that pretty much solve it.

Life wants me to be vulnerable. Not a damsel in distress, but a person who is strong enough to learn than I’m only human and I’m subjected to vulnerability.

let’s do that cheeeeesy blogger tagline thing at the end of every post.hehehe

Love more, Worry less.

Zati

It feels good.

It feels so good to finally catch a good 5 hours of sleep without much tossing and turning  :)

It feels soo good to tell the people you love and care, how much they mean to you.

It feels sooo good to spare some time for them and living in their sphere.

It feels soooo good to have the health to run and jump around, play badminton and swim.

It feels sooooo good to just take a plunge and do things rather than wondering what-ifs.

It feels sooooooo good to be happy with what I have instead of whining on have-nots.

It feels sooooooooo good to be alive and live rather than living life on auto-pilot.

p/s: Alhamdulillah

When the sun is saying hello…

The day is just too beautiful to waste it indoors! It’s been awhile since I hanged my laundry under the sun. Oh yeah, I went over the permissible load limit with the college washing machine. It was that SUNNY! I tell ya.

It was an easy saturday, one of the rare ones that I actually stayed on campus just to finish a project and Mr FYP. HOW RARE IS THAT!

And to reward myself, I wanted to catch a movie with anyone. However ,to no avail – everyone seems to have a plan~ It’s ok, since the sun is shining and the air actually smell so sweet (credits go to my stuffy nose, the air become sweeter) I say what the heck!  let’s get the laptop out of the room, find a place I can spend the afternoon and playing with MATLAB! geek much?

Not really. I have a mini project due in a few days and I have zilch work done! And good heavens, it’s very satisfying to have some progress! I actually enjoying doing it! AHHHH the sun effect.
Undeniably I’m a summer girl! I live to be sunkissed. I knew it!

Haha, I spared no shame for this bubbly post. I hope u had a sunkissed saturday too

p/s: I can’t wait to get all my freshly sun dried clothes and just swim in them like a mad woman ! haha