Your tooth ached, so you plucked it out (OWch!). It’s a fusion of pain and relief. You started to dream of good night sleeps ( that you rarely get). The memories of the painful days just dissipates in thin air. Once in a while you feel numb.
I guess that’s what happen if we fell for a person who came by the wind. And got lost in the wind too. You forgot the whole thing for a while. Ocassional numbing sensation. and you just forgot how it was.
the best thing that could happen. a brief moment of denial and a rush of acceptance.
I welcome this starvation. It’s a lesson to appreciate the days of indulgence. I look again at my cashflow…geeeeee. I told myself, prudence can only happen before I splurge.Now, I live on a shoe-string budget and you got it right…I made myself to be here.
The good thing is I learnt the value of money. It’s not about abundance. It’s about having just enough. Enough to pay the necessities. Enough for little treats or BIG ones too.It shouldn’t be the one that stops you from doing the things you want. I mean, spending is not bad..if I spent it well.
My cousin told me about the 6 jars (or more) method. You have to put ya money in the jar. I forgot the name of the person who introduce this method, but the idea of jam jars…nice, shiny or maybe vintage jam jars with moolah in it – is appealing right?
So, money is a tool… and I’m tool-less!
I’ll use “the secret”… So far it’s getting the things I need. Like a new telekung and dinner treats. Yah, an adult gotta do what an adult gotta do. Please spare me from mortgages and credit card debt. We’ll save the best for last 
Every time it’s Christmas, I’ll be the first to switch on the telly and catch some heart warming Noel’s flicks. An hour or so later, it’ll leave me questioning. “How come Raya can never be as family oriented as Xmas?” I bet on the pennies I have, God heard my question. This Raya definitely was something I thought I missed out – smiles, jokes, laughter, drama, conversations and most importantly, love.
So, I have a hunch this Raya will be one heck of an interesting occasion because of the morning of Eid incident. When I was in KK the week before Eid, I got licked by Ara, the dog. It’s a good thing I was not obliged to pray or fast at the moment. However when I reached KL, I realized that I have to cleanse myself and to do that I need clean clay to mix with my bath water. So, ok lah…I assume we kept some at home. I reached home right on the evening of Eid and dog tired to do anything. I doze off in hopes to do the cleansing the next morning. Morning arrived and one stinking gal needs her shower – badly. Conveniently, we are out of clay. Mom, being mom, told me to get dig up some at this lake near our house. Stinking, tired and pretty much heartbroken *cough- cough*, I set off with my chin held high and my Ipod plugged in. Not to mention a shovel that is just too conspicuous.
On the roadside, men in their kain pelikat and songkoks makng their way to the congregation. Moi? I’m walking the total opposite way. After a 5 minute stroll aroung the park, I reached the edge of the waters. I sat down and started my “quest”. I didn’t pay much attention to the soil I’m intruding, my Ipod blasted in my ear drums and I stared blankly at the cloudy morning sky. It’s been a while, and my hands started to sore. “Where’s that fudging clay?!! Biar betul mak aku nih?”
I took a deep breath and settle with the fact that I have to dig another spot. Just before the shovel hit the earth, I heard a foreign voice talking to me. “Kau buat apa tuuuu??!?”
A flock of men, with their kain pelikat, a few talking on their hand phones, looking down on me.
I jerked up and just gave a slight nod out of respect and walked away with a blush. “This is gonna be one interesting Raya.”
I’m waiting for my watch to be fixed. And did my share of walking around town. It’s good just to walk endlessly, not knowing what I’ll find next. Lately, to get comfy in my own skin is a bit of hardwork. So today, I got to do exactly that 
yet, once in a while I do miss the conversations. I just want to sit and listen.. giving in replies once in a while. I’m staying at mich’s aunt’s house. It’s a very nice home with myraids of retro tiles. And the design strikes the “artsy” cord of mine. I’m diving tomorrow. Tad nervous…somehow me and water..we don’t blend that well. That explains why I learnt how to swim really late. But, getting to dive is hip.hahahah.LOL. no, it gives you out-of-this-world experience. And, I’m coming into terms that, jerks are jerks and you can do nothing about it.I like that fact.
I started out to write a post that was self reflecting and looking at life retrospectively. But I knew I was beating around the bush.
I just want to get on a plane!! that’s the whole point of this post.
